I first noticed this phenomenon when I lived in South Carolina. When visiting another state, I would be asked where I was from. I would respond by saying, “South Carolina.”
In return, the other person would say, “Oh, I love North Carolina.” This happened several times with different people. Besides being a concern for the South Carolina Department of Tourism, it made me realize that people don’t always pay attention to what you’re saying.
They were “mentally broke.” It’s a situation where someone is not fully engaged with you. Does the thought of that make your heart beat faster?
Here’s another example: When I ran the business operations for a professional ballet company, we once had a performance that featured lavish costumes and sets. When it was originally built from scratch by another ballet company, it cost about a million dollars. We rented it all from them for a fraction of that amount.
While it could be impressive for people to know that they were looking at a million dollars of costumes and scenery on stage, they would become fixated on that number and lose track of accompanying statement about the lower rental cost. So in their mind, my company was seen as having spent a million bucks. A message of thriftiness was lost to images of a large number.
Why should you care about this? If you deal with customers, then you need to be prepared for them not to hear your whole message.
“But it’s written or presented so well,” you argue. That’s great but don’t expect it to stick in a world where the longest people can stay focused on one thing is eight minutes. Then their attention will wander. Keep in mind that this research was done before the prevalence of mobile devices.
Often in the quest for a perfect message, you say too much. Could you cut it in half? Does it contain tangents that are not necessary? In the South Carolina example, it would not have been smart to have responded to the question by saying, “I live in South Carolina. Greenville, South Carolina. On the north side of town where there’s lots of roadwork but some nice parks as well.” This isn’t an answer, it’s an info dump. You’re giving someone too much information and they can get overwhelmed.
To Clear the Path to more effective communication, you have to accept the fact that you are not necessarily the sole focus of the other person. Don’t let it become an ego thing that holds you back.
How do you break through the clutter and make yourself memorable? Try the unexpected.
For instance, in the South Carolina example, I could have said, “I live in South Carolina, which people often mistake for North Carolina.” It’s not the best joke but it’s different. And it can make someone with divided attention start giving you some more.
Here’s another way: When you meet strangers at an event, it can be hard to remember their names. Instead of saying, “My name is Ken,” I might say something like, “My name is Ken… like Barbie’s friend.” It’s a little quirky but it’s memorable, which is what I want. It’s also more than just an answer. Your reply should be an opportunity to start a conversation.
The path to memorable is usually brief and a little quirky. Fast food restaurants, movie companies, and car dealerships know this. They all understand that your greatest love affair should not be with overly complex or ordinary phrases.
Try being different and see if you stand out from the crowd.
Other Resources
Seven Secrets of the Nutcracker – Timely tips to make you appear smarter than you are.
Are You An Annoying Coworker? Of course not but just in case.
Attack of the Meeting Monsters You should be afraid of these distractions.
